My reach
My heart goes out to you for growing out of the old you and I constantly question myself when I would be the girl that would benefit from another's pain.
Yet again I will not succumb to be that girl that was in pain, I would strive to be stronger and better than that. Even if it meant losing all emotions and lack all love.
One man's treasure is another man's thrash. I just have to convince myself that I am greater than you are and that I am more empowering than you ever will be.
I know that it hasn't been fair but I know I must be happy for who I am and who I have.
Never take who you are with forgranted and never expect more from anyone you know that cannot give.
Sometimes you realize that ignorance is bliss but bliss is not all. I would like to think that awareness is awakening, and awakening empowers.
Do what you can within your reach and trust that the rest will fall into place. Maybe not today or tomorrow but definitely in this lifetime.
Trust you gut instinct and it will prove you right Mia... Trust the journey and the destination will be within your reach.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Intersection of being
Living the dream? Not quite.. Ok I am lying, not at all.
With a heart as cold and hard as a stone, my mind un mendable. I take my pen to paper. With thoughts that show no emotions, My eyes hollow and hands stiff to the touch . I pen down words that holds no weight. Love that saw no days, a life that has no soul.
And yet like a lyricist and his music, these words flow out like they should. Like poetry and rhyme my mind does not stop.
As loud as I scream for the words to stop, it flows on and on... My mind like an intricate clock that keeps ticking. Cessation is almost impossible.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
RELAtionships vs REALationships
Relationships had never worked out for me, probably the reason why I am still single when I am 31. Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to get married and have children but somehow or rather, that's does not seem to be the case for the last 10 years or so. I seem to screw the relationships up as soon as it gets sweet. Most of my relationships somehow kicks off to a rocky start which will later sweeten up... As soon as it does, it just fizzles out.
More often than not, well, for now it's more often... I think that I am the cause of all this mishaps. Perhaps I was not good enough, faithful enough, strong enough, too good, too faithful or too strong. At this juncture, I was not anything and hardly everything.
Call it a lack of faith, call me an idealist, but right now on good days I am an optimist. I dream I would meet mr. Right get married and settle down. On bad days I will just visualize my lonely life starting from today till the day I die, I would die alone and no one would know. In a nutshell I am manic.
There are many wants in my life.. Many hits but more misses, too many dreams but more nightmares. Someone once said, great beginnings are just a prelude to disasters. I believe that this is the story of all my relationships, excepts mine starts of bad.. Gets sweet.. And ends with a sweet disaster.
Hence, at 31.. I am starting to buy the I am going to die alone and no one will know fate that I have. No, I don't want that for myself, but then again I dream of mr. Right walking behind me and just like in the movies I will drop something and he will pick it up and go.. ' excuse me miss' and I would turn around and our eyes will meet, and we fall in love... Yeah right! That's why we pay $ 11.50 for a movie, to buy our feel good moments.
Everyone needs someone and I am no exception, I believe that all married couples are in REALationships... Bills to pay, mouths to feed, careers to build etc. It's not easy, it never will be. It's like synchronized swimming. If you are one second behind you are out. Out the door that is for couples.
Bottom-line, I am not a perfect person nor partner, there are many people out there better than I am, and I am not the easiest in the world to be with. But I need to believe, have faith and keep on hoping that someday I will find someone that wants a REALationship with me.. And from the experience I have had so far, nothing is impossible, or that predictable.
More often than not, well, for now it's more often... I think that I am the cause of all this mishaps. Perhaps I was not good enough, faithful enough, strong enough, too good, too faithful or too strong. At this juncture, I was not anything and hardly everything.
Call it a lack of faith, call me an idealist, but right now on good days I am an optimist. I dream I would meet mr. Right get married and settle down. On bad days I will just visualize my lonely life starting from today till the day I die, I would die alone and no one would know. In a nutshell I am manic.
There are many wants in my life.. Many hits but more misses, too many dreams but more nightmares. Someone once said, great beginnings are just a prelude to disasters. I believe that this is the story of all my relationships, excepts mine starts of bad.. Gets sweet.. And ends with a sweet disaster.
Hence, at 31.. I am starting to buy the I am going to die alone and no one will know fate that I have. No, I don't want that for myself, but then again I dream of mr. Right walking behind me and just like in the movies I will drop something and he will pick it up and go.. ' excuse me miss' and I would turn around and our eyes will meet, and we fall in love... Yeah right! That's why we pay $ 11.50 for a movie, to buy our feel good moments.
Everyone needs someone and I am no exception, I believe that all married couples are in REALationships... Bills to pay, mouths to feed, careers to build etc. It's not easy, it never will be. It's like synchronized swimming. If you are one second behind you are out. Out the door that is for couples.
Bottom-line, I am not a perfect person nor partner, there are many people out there better than I am, and I am not the easiest in the world to be with. But I need to believe, have faith and keep on hoping that someday I will find someone that wants a REALationship with me.. And from the experience I have had so far, nothing is impossible, or that predictable.
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